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Sexual Desire Issues

"My partner wants me to initiate sex more, but I just don't have the drive." ... "I don't even want to be touched by my partner anymore."

Woman sits sadly with back to camera feeling isolated
Young couple having discussion after relationship therapy
Man holds hand out blocking face before individual therapy

What is it?

"You used to want sex all the time! What happened?" ... "I am finding myself avoiding my partner, as I don't want to let them down, yet again, for sex." ... "Sex just feels like a chore. Something I have to do in order to keep the peace."  Sound familiar? All of these have been things our clients have shared in how they are experiencing sexual desire issues and are very common -- both for men and women and within all types of sexual orientation identities. It can often feel like the passion has gone away; the want to be sexual is gone or lessened; sex is given out of guilt; or perhaps sex no longer feels pleasurable and is instead something painful or used as a tool to keep the relationship "stable." Sexual differences between partners can often be a source of contention and disruption in connection within the relationship. So often, it seems, the underlying issues within the relationship are the cause for the disruption in the intimacy department of the relationship. Sometimes, though, the difficulties within the sexual aspects of the relationship cause the stress and strain.

Couple holding each other with dog after relationship therapy
Two men holding hands after relationship therapy
Black couple smile at each other holding hands after relationship therapy

How do we treat it?

As mentioned, the underlying cause(s) of sexual desire struggles is often more deeply rooted than "just not wanting it." You and your therapist will work with you (and your partner(s)) to understand the various impacts and influences of things within your life/lives and how to navigate these with increasing communication, assertiveness and reclaiming your passion again! It can be important, depending on the specific issue and concern, that a medical evaluation is done to ensure the contributing factor is not primarily due to a medical condition that is better treated with a medical doctor. Your therapist will explore the possible causes with you to help determine the best treatment for your presenting problem. 

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