Obsidian Counseling
Kink & Fetishes
What is it?
Kink: By simple definition, "kink" is referring to anything that falls outside of the culturally-identified "norm" for sexual behavior. Being into kink does not inherently make the attraction or desire "bad" or indication of something psychologically wrong with you! It simply means you get tickled (pun intended) sexually by things that would not fall within the typical categories defined by our culture -- and that's OKAY! Or perhaps you're wanting to try out something new; something that is so outside of the norm for you -- that's OKAY too!
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Fetishes: The culture we live in has come a long way from defining some sexual behaviors as "atypical" and, with this, have removed their existence from professional diagnosing criteria (i.e., DSM-IV or ICD-11) and away from stigmatization. While most fetishes cause no harm to others, sometimes the focus a person puts on these fetishes can make it feel "smothering" to their partner(s), if they do not share the same tantalizing excitement as you. This can cause strain on a relationship and friction between partners can often show up in the bedroom.
How do we treat it?
Your sex positive therapist will help you understand more of the reasons behind the fetish (if desired and applicable -- as some things just cannot be explained through psychotherapy [sorry, Freud]) and how to incorporate these behaviors and interests in healthier, non-stifling ways within a relationship. While your therapist cannot promise to make your partner as "into it" as you are, they can help with communication, boundary setting and assertiveness to help your sexual interests be an integrated aspect of your colorful sexual self!